The Boy and His Phantasm: An Allegory
“But, Mama, he is real! I can see him all the time,” Joshua pleaded while his mother folded up the bottom of his jeans until they were perfectly even.
“No, Joshua, we’ve had enough. It was mildly cute in kindergarten, but you’re a big boy now. You’re going to a big school with lots of other kids, and…” Mrs. Shumaker looked up at her son and slowly brushed his cheek. There was no nice way to say it. “You don’t want to be known as the boy with an imaginary friend.”
“He’s not imaginary! And he follows me, even when I ask him to stay home and wait for me to get back.” A heavy sigh left his mouth, blowing his almost black bangs up in the air. “Because I know everyone thinks I’m weird. I know you think I’m weird.”
“Aw, honey. I don’t think you’re weird. You’re just different. And it’s okay to be different, just, not that different. Do you understand?”
“Whatever you say, Mama.” Joshua picked up his Tom & Jerry backpack and hoisted it onto his back. His mother looked pleased to have gotten through to him. A dimple appeared on his young face as he smirked. “I just won’t talk to him at school.”
“He’s ten now and still won’t let go of that thing. I don’t know what to do anymore, Walter. Should we look into therapy?”
Joshua stretched out on the second floor of his house and peered over the stair landing. He watched as his mother paced back and forth, her hair frazzled, and face starting to turn red. Mr. Shumaker sat in a red fabric recliner with the TV remote in his hand.
“Therapy, Bess? Just seems wrong for a kid that young. Plus, he seems pretty stuck to this thing. Could be a huge waste of money anyway.”
Bess looked toward her son’s room. He quickly jerked his head back so he wouldn’t be caught eavesdropping. Her sigh was so loud and exasperated, Joshua would’ve heard it even if he was in his room. He held his breath hoping she hadn’t seen him.
“But, he’s getting bullied at school over this. Do you know what that mean boy down the street did the other day? He picked up a chunk of ice and threw it at our boy, screaming ‘squeeeak, squeeeak!’Joshua said he was keeping it under wraps at school. How did he even find out?” Mrs. Shumaker’s pacing got faster as she started to bite her nails.
“Bullies are gonna be bullies. They’ll always find something. And I hate to say it, but maybe that’s what he needs to stop living in this fantasy,” Walter pointed out. His wife’s pacing started to die down. “He can’t possibly like being tormented over it.”
“Don’t worry, Gordon. I don’t care what they think, and I’m not going to stop talking to you just because of it,” Joshua whispered. He patted his friend on the head and smiled.
“But, fifteen. If he’s still seeing Gordon when he’s fifteen, we’re taking him to therapy,” Mrs. Shumaker’s voice threatened below.
Joshua sat on a couch that could either be brand new or several years old—it was hard to tell. The pictures on the wall were clearly placed to evoke positive emotions, while the framed degrees were placed to prove the doctor’s qualifications.
“Hi, Joshua. I’m Dr. Coffey. How was your day?”
“With all due respect, sir, I know why I’m here, and you don’t have to talk to me like I’m a fool. I know everyone thinks I’m insane, and I know they want me to change. But I can’t.”
The therapist sitting in a stiff office chair opposite of him nodded slowly while placing one leg atop his other knee. He waited a few moments before responding.
“Well, Joshua, I respect your honesty. So, what is it that everyone wants you to change?”
“Hm, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I see a cartoon mouse every minute that I’m not sleeping, and I have conversations with him, and he’s the best friend I think I’ll ever have. I’m sure my parents already gave you the rundown.”
“And do you see him right now?”
“I literally just told you I see him every minute I’m not sleeping. He’s sitting right here beside me wondering why we’re here. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
Dr. Coffey switched his legs. He adjusted his thick square-rimmed glasses. Joshua rolled his eyes and the doctor began scribbling things down in his notebook.
“I detect an annoyance in your voice. Are you tired of people asking you why you see this mouse? Are you irritated with people saying there’s something wrong with you?”
“No, I enjoy it. Of course I’m sick of it! Don’t you think I’ve asked Gordon why I see him? Why I have to be different? It is what it is, Doctor. I’ve seen him ever since I can remember, and I trust him that I’m not psychotic because of it. And I can’t stand that people judge me for it. I don’t even talk to him when other people are around, and he chills in the corner so I don’t get an urge to look at him. But, yet, Mrs. Cochran finds out, and now my mother gets ostracized at school functions. It has absolutely nothing to do with them. Nothing. People need to mind their own business, and let me live my life. If I was breaking into their houses and break dancing with Gordon, okay, fine then I could see why they would have a problem. But I’m not, am I, Doctor?”
The doctor’s hand moved furiously trying to document everything being said. He waited for Joshua to take a deep breath before speaking.
“I understand what you’re saying, Joshua. My belief, however,” Dr. Coffey steepled his fingers and pursed his lips, “is you’ve built up this mouse for so long, you are having a hard time seeing from other peoples’ perspectives. Their perspective that they care about you, and maybe there are some things you don’t realize. A job, for instance. As soon as anyone learns that you see and talk to a cartoon mouse, no one’s going to take you seriously. Your boss may even second-guess his decision to hire you. A family. You’re not going to have a normal family carrying around a rodent everywhere you go. And if you did have kids, how would you feel if one of them turned out that way?”
“Turned out that way?” Joshua asked in disgust. “I’d still love them. You don’t disown someone for something they can’t help.”
“And I’m going to work with you to show you this is something you can help.”
Gordon could sense Joshua getting angry and climbed up on to his left shoulder. He stuck his little tongue out at the doctor as they stormed out of the office together.
“Joshua, your dorm is the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen! Do you ever clean up after yourself?” A brunette with a trendy bob whined from inside the shared bathroom. “I don’t even have space to clean my piercing.”
“Babe, I’m sorry. I share a bathroom with four dudes,” Joshua called out from behind his laptop.
“Ugh, no wonder they don’t have girlfriends. I hope this isn’t from you. I’m sure as hell not cleaning up after you next year.” Emily walked out and slammed the bathroom door behind her.
“Can’t wait, babe.” Emily smiled, ignorant of his slight sarcasm, and sauntered over to him. She moved his laptop out of the way and lowered her face to his. The skin around the pink stud above her lip was ten shades redder than the piercer warned.
“I have a half hour before my next claaass,” she sang-talked to Joshua as she started unbuttoning her shirt.
“Em— “he did his best to avoid looking at her mouth, “I can’t. I have a Poli Theory test tomorrow. I have to focus.”
“Are you serious?” She put her hand on her hip and scoffed. “I could have any guy on this campus, you know.” Joshua rolled his eyes as he reached back for his laptop. “Joshua!” Emily raised her voice.
“Emily, I have to study!” He took a deep breath when he saw movement in the corner.
“What are you looking at?”
“Nothing… nothing. I’m going to the library. Go to class, Em.”
“Whatever,” she said with a flip of her hair. She yanked her clutch off the desk and stormed out in a rage. Joshua shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. He grabbed his laptop and a notebook with a pen already stored in the spiral.
The library was fairly empty, the usual for a Thursday afternoon a week after midterms. Joshua found an empty table and set up camp. He plugged a pair of earbuds in and began to review the notes he had already taken.
Two hours passed before Joshua pulled the buds out and looked around. He stretched his arms toward the ceiling and noticed there was only one other person studying. Her head bobbed back and forth as if she were listening to reggae music, but there was no music playing device around her. She then let a loud giggle escape her, then whispered something into her textbook.
Joshua looked around to see if anyone else was staring at this girl. The two student helpers working the information kiosk were busy looking down at their phones. He watched a while longer until he got up the nerve to walk over to her.
“Hey there—who are you talking to?” Joshua found himself being way more blunt than usual. The girl jumped in surprise and jerked her head to look at him. She had big, round, black frames around her oversized blue eyes and clusters of beauty marks underneath them. Her mouth was slightly too small for her face but matched perfectly to her tiny button nose.
“Oh, hi! I’m talking to Julia. She gets shy around new people. Come here, Julia; it’s okay.” She reached her hand into her hoodie pocket. When she removed it, she was holding something that amazed, shocked, and horrified Joshua all at the same time.
“What do you think you’re doing? Put that away! You—you have one, too? I mean—what is that? Put it away!” Joshua spoke as loud as he could without speaking above a whisper. Julia ran right back into the girl’s hoodie. She laughed.
“You have someone you see, too, don’t you? Where’s yours?” She asked excitedly. Her eyes darted all around the library. Joshua sat down next to her.
“I’ve never met anyone else that’s… that’s like me.”
“Really? There’s a whole community of people like us! All different sorts of people. My best friend has an iguana.”
“You’re really open about all this,” Joshua said as he gazed around to make sure no one was listening.
“Yeah, so what?” Julia’s head peeked out of the pocket and eyed Joshua up and down.
“I’ve been in years of therapy teaching me there’s something wrong with me.”
“That’s so sad! A few people tried to tell me that, I guess—I don’t really remember—but my parents—they both have rabbits—they taught me to ignore anyone that says that. You can’t just change who you are because society tells you to. And isn’t being different what makes us all beautiful, anyway?”
Joshua found himself smiling wider and wider as the girl continued to talk. She could’ve started a rally with her passion. When she was finished, she stared patiently until Joshua realized she was finished talking. He blushed and looked around the library before responding.
“I have a mouse, too. But, honestly, I haven’t talked to him in a while,” he admitted. Gordon crawled closer, his nose catching the scent of Julia.
“Hey, that’s okay. If you were born seeing a mouse, you’re always gonna see a mouse. Be proud of it, I say!” They locked eyes. She giggled under her breath. “I’m Maggie. What’s your name?”
“Joshua, and this, this is Gordon.”
the blonde yoda 